The futures of NBA franchises hang in the balance as the names and possible destinations of big-name free agents fly around the web.

Going by popular consensus (along with some off-the-wall choices as well), let’s look at who might be wearing what colors next season, and what those teams will look like:

(Of course, these may all be totally wrong by the time you read this, but enjoy the crappy Photoshopping regardless)

Josh Smith, Philadelphia 76ers

The 76ers fail to bring in Elton Brand, so they try to make a splash with another name by bringing in Slam Dunk Contest champion J-Smoove. Running the fast break with Andre Iguodala on one side and Smith on the other, Andre Miller averages 20 assists per game over the course of the entire season.

Corey Maggette, San Antonio Spurs

After opting out of his contract with the Los Angeles Clippers, Xzibit Maggette goes to a real contender with a chance to win. He provides on-again, off-again scoring to make the Spurs offense at least quasi-watchable.

James Posey, New Orleans Hornets

Posey anoints himself Big Shot Pose, proclaims he can win a championship wherever he goes, and vows to take the Hornets to the next level. The Hornets advance to the Finals, but Posey misses half of the deciding game whilst sitting in a KFC drive-thru waiting for his bucket of chicken. Morris Peterson plays in his place, running the team into the ground. By the time a well-fed, content Posey arrives at the arena, it is far too late.

Elton Brand, Golden State Warriors

Brand mistakenly eats some magic mushrooms and, surprising even himself, takes Golden State’s max money, swapping spots with Baron Davis. Apparently it wasn’t as much about winning as it was hooking up with his B.F.F. Stephen Jackson and replicating his chest tattoos.

Ron Artest, Los Angeles Lakers

Merely feigning idiocy, Artest reveals he is actually an accomplished physicist, invents the time machine, and goes back in time one day to indeed opt out of his contract. Negating his previous statements, he signs with the Lakers for the mid-level exception, only to regret his decision.

Jordan Farmar, Luke Walton, and Richard Jefferson were spotted in Vegas last weekend partying it up.

Nothing wrong with that, except perhaps what Farmar wore into the club:

Seriously?

I mean, I get that you’re an NBA star that makes millions of dollars and can do whatever you want, but wearing a white tee for Vegas nightlife? There are things called dress codes. Even the NBA requires you to look better than this. Let’s class it up a little next time, shall we?

Upon his immediate departure, as a Los Angeles Lakers fan, it was tough to dislike Shaquille O’Neal. The dude changed the franchise, brought home some championships, and was downright enjoyable. I had no qualms rocking my replica jersey from the summer we picked him up.

But that was then and this is now.

Whether or not it was just an attempt to distance himself and assimilate away from Los Angeles, Shaq decided it was a good idea to blast the L.A. fans, Kobe Bryant, and Phil Jackson. The fans? Fine - there are many a bandwagoner. Kobe? Also warranted at the time. Phil? This was a roundabout one, but saying Pat Riley was the best coach you ever had when Phil was the one to mold you into who you are now and who you looked up to, well, that’s a bit excessive.

Now, tack on something new to the resume.

O’Neal, ever the epitome of maturity, unleashed an unnecessary, downright outlandish “freestyle” aimed at Kobe just recently:

Classy.

Really Shaq? I mean I understand the beef and all, but you can’t turn around and shit on a guy like this after feigning acceptance as of late.

Furthermore, can you really say anything at this point of your career? You were supposed to come to the Phoenix Suns to take them to the promised land. Instead, you’re likely to rot away on the sidelines at a much more expedited pace from here on in.

Hey Shaq, tell me how the bench tastes.