I’ve posted a few sports commercials on this site in the past, and I figured it was time to expand upon the topic (even more there are about to be some repeats in here). Here are some of the best I’ve seen so far in 2008:

5. Shaq the Jockey

Shaquille O’Neal and his horse, Chunk of Love, win in a photo finish in this Vitamin Water spot. This originally debuted during the Super Bowl and I’m sure it caught everyone by surprise. Nice touch with the crotch pat at the end.

Note: no horses were euthanized in the making of this commercial.

4. NBA - Where Amazing Happens

This campaign has been going for a while now, but is totally worth mentioning in the top 5. Although the concept has gotten a bit played out as the season has gone on, no one disagrees how great these have been. Even through May, we are still getting some good ones, particularly the spots personalized by athletes, such as this one by Dwight Howard:

Don’t forget Dirk Nowitzki and Steve Nash’s questionable haircuts:

We’ve all seen the original spots before, but have you checked out YouTube in the past months? There are countless other versions created by fans that are good unto themselves. The simplicity of the commercials makes it easy for anyone to make their own. Some fans have even taken it upon themselves to do crossover ads into other sports to showcase their favorite teams:

A Philadelphia Eagles example:

Or how about a New York Yankees version recounting moments and figures in their fabled ballpark:

Ok enough of these… you get it. On to the next one…

3. 2008 NBA Playoffs - There Can Only Be One

The original split screen that debuted with Shaq and Kobe was incredible. Everyone knows their history and their story, and it was interesting to see them as one once more. Seeing this definitely got me amped for the playoffs.

Needless to say, several people within the NBA marketing department undoubtedly got huge raises this year for these two ad campaigns.

EDIT: PhDribble just posted this one and I had to include it as well:

Although not as simple as the Where Amazing Happens commercials, these too are clearly customizable and versatile. Hell, its even been extended out to movie advertisement for Adam Sandler’s new flick:

Oh, split screen goodness…

2. Sidney Crosby - League of Clutch

I included this Gatorade spot starring Sidney Crosby in an earlier post, but due to its significance to the sport, I’m placing it this high on the list.

It’s great to see Sid the Kid’s success in this postseason. Hockey is coming back big.

1. Nike Soccer in the first person

Another recent post, I’m still clearly not over this ad.

I’m aware the division is actually Nike Football. I’m a fan of the sport and all, but sorry purists (cough, Devin, cough) - for all intents and purposes, its known as soccer on this site.

Sure its a bit shaky, but Guy Ritchie did good work. This isn’t exactly Cloverfield or anything.

Soak that one in, tsarist subjects. This commercial is pure perfection.

This is nowhere near a complete history of athlete idiocy (that could be an entire book unto itself). Consider this more of a Kenny Mayne-esque incomplete and inaccurate primer on the subject. The following most likely happened in the not too distant past or were so mind boggling that you can’t help but remember them. Anyways…

Carmelo Anthony

My original inspiration for this list. Had I not been as lazy as I have been about blogging lately, this would have been written in a timely fashion around the time of Melo’s DUI. Instead, it just achieved LOLtsar status. Melo prematurely celebrated Denver’s playoff berth - getting pulled over and failing a multitude of sobriety tests.

The Nuggets made the playoffs to face the Lakers. The Staples Center crowd decided to stray from their usual Kobe M-V-P chant to offer this ditty:

Many would say a bit classless, but he deserves it in my mind.

If the Nuggets manage to upset the Lakers in the first round and put together some sort of playoff run, Melo would have to pull a Kobe (see below) and ferry himself between courtroom and basketball court starting May 14th.

Of course, Anthony is no stranger to controversy, having already been found with weed in his backpack at the Denver airport a few years back. However, there will be nobody to take the fall for him this time around.

Kobe Bryant

Since I mentioned him up above I might as well get to him sooner than later.

It pains me to write a blurb about Kobe, as I am a Laker fan and was crushed when the initial allegations surfaced. It was, however, an idiotic position to get yourself into.

What was the issue even? No go on the facial? Anal denial? Whatever it was, Kobe, you could’ve done with it in general. Just put the dick down and focus. You’re an exorbitantly paid athlete.

Rafael Furcal

Staying with the L.A. theme, we move on to Dodgers shortstop Rafael Furcal.

As if one DUI in the ATL wasn’t enough, Furcal picked up a second one as well. Dude had to move in with his mom after that.

Oh well, at least we know dude likes to party. Wikipedia also tells us that his nickname is Fookie.

Tony La Russa

And i guess following the baseball theme we can throw in St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa.

Nothing out of control about this one. La Russa publicly apologized, plead guilty, etc - a class act.

What’s great though, is that he was found asleep at the wheel at a green light with his foot on the brake. He didn’t even respond when the officer on the scene knocked on the window. All he blew was a .093 and he’s passed out? Lightweight.

Pacman Jones

Ohhhh Pacman.

Thank you for bringing the act of making it rain to the mainstream.

During the 2007 NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas, Pacman was a patron of a strip club. Nelly was also in attendance that night, and was throwing his ones at the dancers as per custom. Pacman decided to join in, letting fly a blizzard of $81,020 of dollar bills.

However, the dancers started to pick the bills up, and that’s when the shit hit the fan. Jones did not take kindly to this. The dancers CLEARLY were not versed in make it rain protocol. THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE MONEY. IT’S STILL PACMAN’S MONEY.

Needless to say, security guards were shot, felony charges handed down, and the dancers are still waiting for their tips.

Ray Lewis

The year: 2000
The place: Super Bowl afterparty
The crime: RAY LEWIS STABBED SOMEONE TO DEATH

Despite some pretty compelling evidence (his accomplices saying they stabbed theirs (there were 2 victims) and a dumped white suit soaked in blood), Lewis eventually got off the hook. He wasn’t even suspended by the NFL.

I wish I was a star athlete…

This blog template and lack of ads to make money off of you all is irritating me. As a result, I have been too lazy to post much. Fuck it…

Blog babble aside, let us move on to the issues at hand: Super Bowl XLII

Let me start off by saying, HAHAHAHAHA

I am not a Giants or Patriots fan. Nor am I even anti-Patriots anti-dynasty like many out there. It would’ve been epic to see them go 19-0 and be able to say that it happened in our lifetime.

However, seeing a dejected Tom Brady was priceless. It’s as if he knew he was going to win, and then when a retard-strong Eli Manning threw a TD pass to Top Five candidate Plaxico Burress, Brady’s world was turned upside down. As much as anyone celebrated at the time, everyone knew it wasn’t the end. Tom Brady game-winning drives are stuff of legend, and people sure as hell knew there could potentially be something special brewing.

But for whatever reason, Brady had already conceded defeat. Taking the field for the final drive, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Aborted was the season-long efficient Patriots offense that spread the field, involved everyone, and was able to get the yardage and result needed. Granted, the Giants defense had smothered him all game, led by a gapey-grinning, flexing Michael Strahan, but were the deep bombs really necessary that soon? Field goal range was all they needed to force overtime, but instead Brady hoisted hail mary after hail mary to seal the outcome.

Whatever the reasoning, at least it assured this: many an undernourished, underprivileged African youth will be sporting “Patriots Super Bowl XLII Champions” hats and learning English from the almost-bestseller “19-0: The Historic Championship Season of the Unbeatable Patriots” - pulled straight off of Amazon and dumped into the third world.

At least 18-1 will prove to be a great humanitarian effort.