Does  the name LeBron James on a Miami Heat jersey look odd? Would anyone ever actually buy a Chicago Bulls jersey featuring Carlos Boozer? Not sure which new NBA jersey to buy now that the big flurry of superstar movement has ended?

Well, if you just became a Cleveland Cavaliers fan thanks to owner Dan GIlbert, look no further than this:

The only thing topping the power of the letter was the font used: none other than comic sans. Apparently so versatile it can be used for all letter-writing occasions, from chain to angry.

For the uninitiated, the Los Angeles Lakers have a promotion where if they win the game and score over 100 points, everyone in attendance gets a coupon for 2 free Jack in the Box tacos.

On the surface, they’re really nothing special. Just 2 greasy, meat imitation tacos stuffed with a slice of cheese and hot sauce. Retail value: 99 cents.

As the Lakers inch closer to a victory, the Staples Center crowd erupts in a “WE WANT TACOS” chant. To a casual observer, this may seem unnecessary, extravagant, and pointless. Who the hell in their right mind would care this much about tacos? Isn’t there an actual NBA game happening on the court? Leave it to idiot Laker fans to care more about a free giveaway than an actual game of basketball!

Of those same people I ask, have you ever actually had said tacos? Or have you regularly watched Lakers home games?

The tacos are merely passable and pricey ticket holders have infinitely better things to do than drool over discount fast food. It is a matter of pride, people. Not only are the tacos here to stay, but they are our rally cry.

As Game 1 of the 2010 NBA Finals was winding down a Laker victory, the crowd erupted in their customary chant. Sure, the same practice seems innocent enough during a regular season game against the Minnesota Timberwolves, but this is the FINALS. The Boston Celtics came in, got their asses handed to them, and were subsequently being brushed aside by the rallying cries for soy filler.

We don’t care about no tacos. This is the Land of Showtime. And we’re showing you up.

As the Los Angeles Lakers visited the White House yesterday, a press conference was also held to announce the acquisition of President Barack Obama for Jordan Farmar and Adam Morrison‘s expiring contact (we are in a recession, after all).

Kobe Bryant was ecstatic about the backcourt help acquired for him. Said Bryant, “President Obama has the potential to play a bigger role than Bill Clinton did with Tom Gugliotta in NBA Jam.”

In other news, Jordan Farmar has appointed Luke Walton his Secretary of Chillaxing.

Hi! Billy Mays Sports Tsar here with a product that’s going to change your life!

Do you like the Los Angeles Lakers? Better yet, do you just hate the Boston Celtics? The answer to the latter should be a resounding YES! Everybody from outside New England rightfully despises anything inside, on account of the wicked hard douche factor. Why not combat the douchebaggery by beaming a PG-13 rated quip from your chest? BUCK FOSTON!

The Laker-inspired purple and gold will be sure to tell everyone which side of the rivalry you’re on.

The green on white Celtics colorway is the sneaky one here. Right as you infiltrate the Bostonian masses, they will glance at your shirt, assume you are one of them, and accept you. Little do they know, you are faux cursing the very fabric of their existence! However, you might want to start running if you happen upon a literate Boston fan who deciphers the hidden meaning on your shirt.

These are ready and available for order at Buck Foston Shirt for a measly $15! Head over, buy early, buy often. We have a limited first run, so get them while they last! Orders are ready to be shipped as of 1/22/2010.

From the makers of the timeless 2001: A James Odyssey comes an epic sequel the likes of which the NBA offseason has never seen – LeBron 2010: The Year We Make Contract.

Seven years after appeasing his native state, LeBron James may aim to take his mission of winning an NBA championship becoming obscenely wealthy to another far off planet. Will it be the New York Knicks who provide LeBron with a suitable dock in Madison Square Garden? Or could it be the New Jersey Nets, perpetually orbiting Brooklyn under the navigation of Jay-Z, who will finally land in their new destination with their new star?

Oh how it pained me to sell this shirt. Don’t know why I put it up on eBay in the first place. I even had someone bid to win for me so I wouldn’t have to sell it. But alas, someone else stepped in and recognized the power of this shirt and made it their own. It will just have to live on in my heart and in this blog post.

Just take that in for a second.

A young Charles Barkley as a member of the Philadelphia 76ers. With a ripped off basketball hoop. In an N.W.A hat. If this isn’t high fashion, I don’t know what is. As if the Round Mound of Rebound wasn’t amazing enough, someone had to go and immortalize him like this.

That someone, of course, is none other than Undefeated. If you’ve never been a sneakerhead, you probably don’t know what this means. Undefeated is one of the most well-known shoe boutiques in the world. Kicks aside though, they do put out fresh designs to boot.

Swingman Trevor Ariza jumped ship from the Los Angeles Lakers to the Houston Rockets. What do you think is running through his head in this picture?

1. I am Trevor Fierce! Growl! Gonna posterize Artest next year
2. What do you MEAN there’s no In-N-Out burger here?!
3. Flight from LA to HOU was harsh. Got bad travel bowels
4. Yao better recover quick or I’m screwed
5. I’m firing my agent right after this photoshoot

Also, is it just me or does that Rockets uniform completely change the look of any player? Trevor looked quite regal in Laker gold, but now he just looks like an unassuming, bumbling 12th man. Ahh the Houston mystique.

A year ago, I handicapped the summer’s NBA free agent class. The photoshop jobs were bad, and the predictions were even worse. Well, save for the far fetched Ron Artest MLE scenario that managed to play itself out this year.

Without further ado, some more horrendous photoshops of what this year’s free agent class may have in store:

Carlos Boozer, Cleveland Cavaliers

While Boozer has already said that he would be returning to the Utah Jazz next season, we must take it with a grain of salt given his prior offseason indiscretions. Carlos may well end up screwing over the Jazz as he originally screwed over the Cleveland Cavaliers, except this time he’ll be off to Cleveland to make things right. Utah can’t stay mad at him for making right on his original promise, can they?

Allen Iverson, Charlotte Bobcats

Iverson, being the deft observer that he is, picks up on the fact that head coach Larry Brown has clearly stopped extolling the virtues of practice. Charlotte suddenly seems like the perfect destination for The Answer.

Lamar Odom, Portland Trail Blazers

Pigmentation fail. Photoshop fail. Sticky icky icky WIN, oooooowweeeee! Lamar switches back from sweets to bud, heading up to PDX to find Damon Stoudamire‘s lost brick of weed and get out of the spotlight and relax.

Hedo Turkoglu, New York Knicks

Sorry Mike D’Antoni, Hedo wants nothing to do with your actual team. However, he did like what he saw in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan and moves to New York to follow his life’s calling and become a hairdresser.

Shawn Marion, ???

Marion, after bouncing from the Phoenix Suns to the Miami Heat to the Toronto Raptors has had enough. He finally has had enough and embraces what he truly is. Next time you see him, he’ll be running the fast break with Keanu and dunking on Agents in The Matrix.

Tonight begins the annual NBA Yard Sale, and exciting mix of player rejuvenation, team revitalization, and General Manager derision. Typically, an NBA off-season starts slow and builds energy post-draft and reaches a fever-pitch by later tonight. But this year has been somewhat of a tweaked formula, in that we’ve already seen some blockbuster moves made by contenders to usurp the not-even-a-month-into-their-reign NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers. We’ve seen Richard Jefferson trade Conferences, Shaquille O’Neal find yet another superstar wing player to thrive on, and the return of the prodigal son in Orlando. After a dud of an NBA Draft, few could blame you if you tuned out and found comfort in Manny-Gate. Don’t fret, we’ve got you covered on what the chatter is and what we expect to happen in the next 30 days.

Turkoglu to the Blazers?

Fresh off of their NBA Finals exit, the Orlando Magic wasted no-time in grabbing some superstar mettle (albeit aged mettle) for their young tandem of Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson. Vince Carter is a local product, and certainly will have ample opportunities to score next to DH12, Nelson, and Rashard Lewis. But the move was interesting on a number of different levels. For a team that just reached the final round of the playoffs, you would assume the logical step would be to resign their Free Agents, nurse Jameer Nelson back to full-strength, and push for it one more time. But the Magic and GM Otis Smith, opted for a non-traditional home-run swing to shake the foundation and then some. Anyone who expects Turkoglu to resign with the Magic is foolish. The move for Carter has ‘sayonara’ written all over it. Hedo wants money, sure, but he also wants playing time, and the rock in his hands in the clutch. VC is a better playmaker and an even better crunch time scorer. Hard to imagine those two and Nelson fighting for possession in the 4th quarter of a tight game. (Sidenote: I fully expect VC to have a Level 5 Fuck You Season. He’s been mailing it in for the last two years in Jersey, hasn’t really bothered to break much of a sweat, is well rested, coming home, and has a chance to reclaim the spotlight in a city that is now on a lot of networks radars. Not to mention he gets to be roommates with Dwight Howard on the road. Does nobody else see the comedy potential here?? What about the pranks they plays on Dukie JJ Reddick? Anyone???)

So, the Magic shed Rafer Alston (another shocking move considering they grabbed him mid-season and he helped carry a wounded franchise to the promise land. THANKS RAFE!) and promising upstart Courtney Lee (who will have an excellent career playing alongside Devin Harris in NJ) and move their attention to retaining Polish Center Marcin Gortat. Meanwhile, Hedo’s agent has been working the phones to find a new home for his client, and the indications have been mixed. There are legitimately three teams that can offer Turk more than the mid level exception without incurring the luxury tax: Detroit, Memphis, and Oklahoma City. None of those teams really compare to the Eastern Conference Championship squad he was just on. The next best option, in this case, is to find a team that is willing to deal to bring him in, in this case, Portland. The Blazers have been shopping the market for a traditional point guard all summer, as they feel Bayless is more of a Ben Gordon combo-guard, and Blake is better as a backup. Since they struck out in the draft, they’ve worked to pry Houston’s Aaron Brooks, and Memphis’ Mike Conley. None of those overtures have worked, so they’ve turned to the next best thing: a hybrid Euro smallish power forward with ball handling skills and bad teeth.

For the deal to work, the Blazers will most likely have to get the Magic to agree to a sign and trade. I doubt though that this deal goes through, given that the Blazers have a GLUT of wing players on the payroll next season, and they’re not ready to break up a young nucleus of exciting talent. With Roy, Fernandez, Webster, and Outlaw ready to contribute next year, there’s apparently little room for someone like Turk to make his mark. Now, if the Magic come back to them requesting Webster and Channing Frye, the Blazers will do the deal in a heartbeat. But sources have indicated the Magic are holding out for Travis Outlaw. This could happen, but a lot of behind-the-scenes negotiations need to occur first.

Rebuilding the Rockets

Take a guess who the highest paid player will be next season? LeBron? Kobe? KG? Nope. Tracy Fucking McGrady. He will earn $23,239,561, more than anyone else in the association. STAGGERING BULLSHIT. Clearly, T-Mac is/has been doing well for himself, so I suppose it’s not a surprise that he mailed it in last year and shut down midway through his rehab. If he has the ambition to get healthy and contribute, then he’ll be in for a rough haul with news breaking this week that Yao Ming will most likely miss the entire 09/10 season due to his achy foot. Poor Houston, they just can’t catch a break (scratch that, they can. Bad wordplay). Anyhow, if Yao is truly out, and Tracy is a shadow of his former self, then GM Daryl Morey needs to take a long look in the mirror, dust off his copy of MoneyBall, and start retooling a franchise that was on the brink of greatness last year.

The first piece to the puzzle is deciding what to do with Ron Artest. Do you bring him back at $8m/yr? Does he want to stay? Does someone offer him ridiculous cash? All good questions, and we’ve got you covered. Sources suggest that Ron IS willing to stay in H-Town, particularly given his close relationship with Rick Adelman. So expect the Rockets to fend-off offers for their mercurial star and keep him in uniform next year. With that set aside, now comes the issue of covering the crisis in the paint. As evidenced by last season’s playoffs, they might be able to mask around as a legit team, but nobody in the L is scared of Chuck Hayes at the 5. So, the Rockets clearly need to upsize and put somebody next to Luis Scola. Given that T-Mac was nowhere in sight while the Rockets beat the Blazers and took the Champs to 7 games, he’s clearly your best asset to part with. Rumors and sources abound with the notion that Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Brasco- er- Walsh are entertaining the idea of bringing him to NYC in exchange for Eddy Curry.

Yes, it’s ridiculous on paper. But, it might be what both teams need. Curry doesn’t fit into D’Antoni’s high-octaine offense, and would be better served finding a new employer. Tracy has run his welcome in Houston to a thin margin, and would be wise to find another club that lets him do what he does best: shoot. Rumors suggest them making a strong push to Nawlins for wantaway Tyson Chandler (which would be a TREMENDOUS STEAL) as well as contacting the Clippers to find out which of the Kaman/Camby/Randolph triumverate is for sale. But if their only option is Eddy Curry, then the Rockets need to consider doing this deal. If it works, great. If not, Curry is an unrestricted FA in the summer of 2010, and hopefully Yao will be back to form and ready to go at that point. A gamble for sure, but a smart one on both counts.

The Contenders

Here’s a lighting-round snapshot of what the Celts, Cavs, Spurs, Magic, and Nuggets are going to do this summer:

Boston Celtics – they’re going after Rasheed Wallace without exception, and they’re also expecting to pry Dahntay Jones away from the Nuggets to replace the James Posey void in the backcourt. Marbury wants to stay, and it’s likely he might, but let’s also not rule out the possibility that Rondo and Allen may be traded for a younger core of talent. Minnesota controls the eventual destiny of Ricky Rubio, whom the Celts made serious inquiries about leading up to the draft. GM Danny Ainge is already on record as saying that the team doesn’t want to overpay Rondo just to keep him, and they are fighting against an aging core of stars. Rondo is their most tantalizing asset, and they would be wise to explore what is out there.

Cleveland Cavaliers – if they can’t get Rasheed, which I DOUBT considering the monstrous ego’s of Shaq and LeBron wouldn’t allow for another one, they’ll turn to keeping Anderson Varejao & netting Charlie Villanueva. They’re also actively exploring the idea of bringing Chicago’s Ben Gordon into the fold, but they don’t have the cash or pieces to make a deal happen unless Gordon want’s the midlevel (or part of it). They’ll be standing pat and going for broke with Shaq in the fold. But, bringing back Varejao is a must for this club. They’ll also explore the idea of Trevor Ariza, but they won’t have the cash to make it happen.

San Antonio Spurs – they made their major acquisition of the summer with Richard Jefferson, who was a genuine steal for what they gave up (Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas‘ knees, and a bucket of KFC Chicken). Expect the Bucks to buy out Bowen, and he’ll return to SA to give them more depth. Still, the Spurs are short on size, with or without mid-season FA Drew Gooden. They need a Center to play next to Duncan, and the feeling is that they’ll finally land their man in Tyson Chandler, whom the Spurs were inquiring about as far back as three years ago. Outside of him, they’ll look at Marcus Camby, Marcin Gortat, & Paul Millsap.

(Speaking of Millsap, I feel for the guy. He’s been underrated his entire career, barely gets into the league, carves out an impressive niche with the Jazz, has a couple of stellar performances in the starting lineup with Booze out, fully expects to get paid and become a leading star for the club, only for Booze to have a conscience crisis at the last minute and elect to stay in Utah rather than opt out. Ultimate Bummer.)

Orlando Magic – They got Vince, and they’ll pay to keep Gortat. That’s it, they’re loaded for another run.

Denver Nuggets – They’ll fight off any takes for Jones, and they’ll look to upgrade behind Carmelo at the 3.

What About the Champs?

All indications point to the entire squad coming back next season. Laker brass exhaled in unison this afternoon when it was reported that Kobe Bryant will not exercise his early termination clause. Rather, he will stay, and his agent will begin communication with GM Mitch Kupchak about a long-term extention for his client. Otherwise, the club will be picking up the team options on DJ Mbenga & Josh Powell, as well as making an offer to UFA Shannon Brown. Their biggest concern stems from Trevor Ariza and Lamar Odom, who will both command decent money in the open market. Both players want to return, and ownership wants them back. Mitch has stated numerous times that there is a value for each player, and they will not overpay to keep either one. The Lakers could potentially lose them both, or keep the team intact. My guess is that they return for another run at the ring, but it will put the Lakers well into the luxury tax hemisphere.

…that should hold you over for now. Phones will be ringing in less than an hour. Let the games begin.

In this past Thursday’s NBA Draft, the Memphis Grizzlies selected Hasheem Thabeet, DeMarre Carroll, and Sam Young. As you can clearly see, they are all beyond excited to call Memphis home. Where careers go to die.

And yes, there is indeed a chair in purgatory. I mean, its a waiting room after all.