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Didn’t your mother teach you that it was rude to point at people? That especially goes for using laser pointers on athletes during play. But mothers be damned, that didn’t stop someone from doing it anyways this past weekend at a Philadelphia Phillies game.
Around the 7th inning, a green dot started dancing across the faces of several St. Louis Cardinals. At first, lesser players like Julio Lugo simply called time to collect themselves, eventually being victimized by the tactics and returning to the dugout. And then Albert Pujols came to bat. How dare someone try to point at Prince Albert. This aggression will not stand!
Security launched an investigation in the stands to find the culprit, but failed. It had to have been a fan in one section, right? There couldn’t possibly be any conspiracy or foul play, could there? But what if there were multiple pointers, throwing off the efforts of security personnel?
Video evidence shows the green dot dancing on Albert’s face, so it must have been pointed by someone on the right side of the ballpark, seeing as how he is a right handed hitter.
Since the culprit was not found in the stands, perhaps it was Jayson Werth out on the grassy knoll in right field?
Or perhaps it was the manager himself, Charlie Manuel, shrouded in cover in the book depository, employing some Belichickian tactics to give his team the edge.
Maybe it was just the weekend, but this story seems to have gotten very little attention thus far. It reeks of inside jobs, cover-ups, and conspiracies. Ahh screw it. Who are we kidding? It was probably just this guy all along:
Special thanks to Flip Flop Flyin, whose Minipops I used in my diagram. Pujols was a perfect fit, but I had to paint Tom Gordon white in order to make Jayson Werth. Whatever, it worked out!
