I had arguably one of my worst nights of sleep of all-time last night. Originally, I blamed it on the heat and our refusal to let the air conditioner run at night (probably for the best). Then it felt as if mosquitoes kept landing on me and my skin was crawling. Upon waking up this morning and remembering my dreams, I knew exactly what kept me up all night: the Los Angeles Kings.
I’ve been a Kings fan for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I was too young to properly remember and savor the glory years of early Gretzky, so all I am left with are horrible teams, atrocious uniforms, and a bitter taste in my mouth. Which isn’t to say that the glory years were even that great either, considering how they eventually ended:
Anyways, I had a rough night’s sleep and remembered an unsettling dream this morning.
Inexplicably, not only managed to make the playoffs, but were in the Finals against the San Jose Sharks, even though they’re in the same conference. I had now been teetering on the brink of insanity, but finally told myself I would buy tickets to Games 6 and 7. Yes, the Kings managed to clinch home ice advantage, and be playing under the NBA Finals 2-3-2 format.
Tickets were going to run me $10,000,000 per game, and I somehow justified putting this on my seemingly limitless credit card. Ehh, I’m already a couple thousand in debt. What’s another $20 mill?
Game 6 was well into the 3rd period with the Kings leading the game and the series 3-2 and ready to hoist the Stanley Cup. Yet everyone seems totally calm and unaware, so I feel the need to start screaming at everyone in the section – “PEOPLE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN?! DO YOU?!?!?!”
Well, apparently it didn’t happen. The Kings coughed up the lead, lost all momentum, and hardly anyone even bothered to go to Game 7 because they knew it was all over.
But it was much worse than over.
Just as the final buzzer sounded, downtown Los Angeles transformed into a massive desert. Suddenly, me and my fellow section mates were fleeing from certain doom rising from the sands:
I finally woke up and tossed and turned for a few hours before giving up and starting my day. The Kings lost, I’m $20 million dollars in debt, being chased by Tremors, and can’t even get a good night’s sleep. Better luck next year.