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This is nowhere near a complete history of athlete idiocy (that could be an entire book unto itself). Consider this more of a Kenny Mayne-esque incomplete and inaccurate primer on the subject. The following most likely happened in the not too distant past or were so mind boggling that you can’t help but remember them. Anyways…
Carmelo Anthony
My original inspiration for this list. Had I not been as lazy as I have been about blogging lately, this would have been written in a timely fashion around the time of Melo’s DUI. Instead, it just achieved LOLtsar status. Melo prematurely celebrated Denver’s playoff berth – getting pulled over and failing a multitude of sobriety tests.
The Nuggets made the playoffs to face the Lakers. The Staples Center crowd decided to stray from their usual Kobe M-V-P chant to offer this ditty:
Many would say a bit classless, but he deserves it in my mind.
If the Nuggets manage to upset the Lakers in the first round and put together some sort of playoff run, Melo would have to pull a Kobe (see below) and ferry himself between courtroom and basketball court starting May 14th.
Of course, Anthony is no stranger to controversy, having already been found with weed in his backpack at the Denver airport a few years back. However, there will be nobody to take the fall for him this time around.
Kobe Bryant
Since I mentioned him up above I might as well get to him sooner than later.
It pains me to write a blurb about Kobe, as I am a Laker fan and was crushed when the initial allegations surfaced. It was, however, an idiotic position to get yourself into.
What was the issue even? No go on the facial? Anal denial? Whatever it was, Kobe, you could’ve done with it in general. Just put the dick down and focus. You’re an exorbitantly paid athlete.
Rafael Furcal
Staying with the L.A. theme, we move on to Dodgers shortstop Rafael Furcal.
As if one DUI in the ATL wasn’t enough, Furcal picked up a second one as well. Dude had to move in with his mom after that.
Oh well, at least we know dude likes to party. Wikipedia also tells us that his nickname is Fookie.
Tony La Russa
And i guess following the baseball theme we can throw in St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa.
Nothing out of control about this one. La Russa publicly apologized, plead guilty, etc – a class act.
What’s great though, is that he was found asleep at the wheel at a green light with his foot on the brake. He didn’t even respond when the officer on the scene knocked on the window. All he blew was a .093 and he’s passed out? Lightweight.
Pacman Jones
Ohhhh Pacman.
Thank you for bringing the act of making it rain to the mainstream.
During the 2007 NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas, Pacman was a patron of a strip club. Nelly was also in attendance that night, and was throwing his ones at the dancers as per custom. Pacman decided to join in, letting fly a blizzard of $81,020 of dollar bills.
However, the dancers started to pick the bills up, and that’s when the shit hit the fan. Jones did not take kindly to this. The dancers CLEARLY were not versed in make it rain protocol. THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE MONEY. IT’S STILL PACMAN’S MONEY.
Needless to say, security guards were shot, felony charges handed down, and the dancers are still waiting for their tips.
Ray Lewis
The year: 2000
The place: Super Bowl afterparty
The crime: RAY LEWIS STABBED SOMEONE TO DEATH
Despite some pretty compelling evidence (his accomplices saying they stabbed theirs (there were 2 victims) and a dumped white suit soaked in blood), Lewis eventually got off the hook. He wasn’t even suspended by the NFL.
I wish I was a star athlete…
