At age 32, Keith Van Horn is set for life.

He was drafted by the Nets in 1997 in the same class as Tim Duncan. Now, 11 years later, as Duncan continues to go strong with no foreseeable end in sight, Van Horn is content being away from the game, oddly enough going out with the same team that drafted him.

Many scoffed at Van Horn for walking away from his team and his contract to spend more time with his family. Many were confused as to who would be crazy enough to walk away from a notable NBA career that could have still earned him and his family tens of millions of dollars.

Well, it was exactly the kind of person who has his values in check and knows how to manage and use the money he has already made. While other NBA idiots like Latrell Sprewell turn their noses up at offers of $8 million per year because it isn’t enough to feed their kids, Van Horn walks away from potentially even more money because he actually does value his children.

He has made well over $100 million during his 11 year career, and according to reports has managed his money very effectively. (Go figure, he didn’t waste it all on Escalades/spinners/blow). I’m glad there are still some level-headed athletes out there that realize this is an insane amount of money. I hope Keith is already pushing his kids to procreate so he can show the rest of the ignoramuses how his well-managed money can support even his grandchildren, let alone merely feed his own spawn.

And for good measure, he is more or less rewarded for walking away. When Dallas included his rights in the Jason Kidd trade to make the salaries match, all he had to do was report to Jersey, where his career initially began, and pretend to give a shit about basketball to pocket a cool $4.3 million.

Like I said, Keith Van Horn is my hero. Smart, level-headed, retired to luxury at the age of 32.

Where were we? Time to try and finish this in one fell swoop rather than drag it out and get tired. Contrary to popular belief, blogging is an arduous process.

Jason Kidd to the Dallas Mavericks

I somewhat discussed this earlier, but its worth looking at again, seeing as how the players in the deal oh so magically changed.

The modified Devean George-less deal consisted of Jason Kidd, Malik Allen, and Antoine Wright for Devin Harris, DeSagana Diop, Trenton Hassell, Maurice Ager, a signed and traded Keith Van Horn, two future first round picks, and cash considerations.

Essentially, Stackhouse and George were replaced by Hassell and Van Horn in this deal. A swap of marginal players. And a Keith Van Horn sighting. Oh my! (For the record, following his involvement in this trade, Keith Van Horn is my new hero. More on this in a later post.)

As discussed before in Devean Does Dallas, this isn’t the best of trades either. Yet another panic move by a declining Western power to try to remain relevant.

Grade: C

Big Ben, Szczerbiak, Joe Smith, Delonte West to the Cleveland Cavaliers

This deal also sent Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes to Chicago along with others. I imagine Seattle got somebody as well. Someone should seriously do a study on the percentage of those involved in multi-player, multi-team deals are actually relevant.

Once again, disregard the title of the post, as this occurred in the East. It was a sort of domino effect from LeBron’s words though.

This trade was made to bring in another big name in Ben Wallace to appease LeBron. Unfortunately, the only value Wallace currently holds is to NBA marketing gurus involved in the production of the “Where [afro] Happens” spots. Wallace was a byproduct of an amazing Pistons team. Nothing more, nothing less.

This trade would have been ideal for the Cavs had they been able to keep Drew Gooden instead of taking on Wallace. For Chicago, they could have gotten a package of five Scot Pollards for Wallace and would have been content.

Grade: B

Bonzi Wells and Mike James to the Hornets

Aside from the fairy tale that was the Gasol deal, I really like this move.

The Hornets, already one of the elite teams in the West, only really gave up Bobby Jackson in this one. In return,  they get a tough guy in the glass in Bonzi as well as some outside shooting from Mike James. This was a solid trade where the Hornets didn’t have to give up much in order to become better. Good for you, Nawlins.

This trade makes me chuckle even more after hearing the news that Yao is out for the year. I wonder if Houston would want a do-over to try to salvage their season to at least have Bonzi cleaning glass. As of now, Luis Scola and Chuck Hayes are going to get to carry them. HA.

Grade: B+

And that concludes my totally arbitrary report card for the NBA trade deadline. I’m aware that I left out the Spurs getting Kurt Thomas and the Hawks getting Mike Bibby. Frankly, I don’t care about these two players and opted to ignore them. Deal with it.

I was asked to grade the notable NBA deals as of late by a reader. I thought this to be a grand idea, as it gives me more content, makes me look important, and as well all know anyways, Tsarist Opinion Reigns Supreme…

Breaking it down in chronological order…

Kyle Korver to the Utah Jazz

Disregard the title of this post and the analysis of this deal, as it superseded the Gasol deal. Nonetheless, it is noteworthy and warrants inclusion.

I wonder why Korver gets all the publicity and this isn’t known as the Gordon Giricek trade. Dude is averaging 3 and 1 since joining Philly, people!

Anyways. Yeah… Korver is white and can shoot the ball. With the fall of the Turkish empire (read: Mehmet Okur forgot how to play basketball), another outside threat and 10 PPG was big. Plus they gave up a stiff. Plus did I already mention he’s white? This is Utah… it works.

Grade: A

Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers

The blockbuster. The steal. The perfect fit. The one that set the bar. The one that struck fear into the hearts of the West. The one that started the chain reaction. The one that I already blogged about the moment it happened.

Grade: A+

Shawn Marion to the Miami Heat
(NOT Shaq to the Suns)

I describe this as the Marion deal and not the Shaq deal, as Marion was the best player involved in this trade.

The deal does make sense for both parties. Shaq gives the Suns championship experience and may or may not get them over the hump. The Suns definitely seem to be in win-now mode. Lets not forget that Steve Nash isn’t getting any younger either, so this may be a roundabout push at the championship. However, Shaq is old, slow, and will likely just drag the team down. As of today, the Suns are off to a 1-2 start in the Shaq era, including an absolute disassembly by the Pistons. It is a championship caliber move, albeit an overly risky and panicky one, obviously countering the championship caliber move the Lakers pulled off.

Miami, meanwhile, has unloaded a monster contract that seemed to be eating away at them. They get one of the most athletic guys in the league and create an interesting young nucleus of Dwayne Wade and Marion. It would take a miracle to salvage Miami’s season at this point, and there is much further revamping of their roster to do, but this is definitely a step in the right direction.

Ultimately, this may pan out, but for the time being…

Grade Suns: C
Grade Heat: A

I’m tired and need a drink. Editing of blunders and Part Deux tomorrow.